A Short Pre-AM Mayhem: 30 Mar 05

[Extreme_Kup]

D-Ex: "OLD NEWS?! THE HELL ARE YOU CALLIN OLD NEWS? Hey whatever it is with you two lovers, keep me outta it will ya! I'm bothered enough that me and Igz have been poked in the ass several times by the Coca Cola Corp. and Miller Lite guys. Its bad enough we didnt pay our bills...now you wanna drag me into this discussion with Cyberstrike and yourself? BAH I wish someone would give me a beer right now....*looks at the guy with a miller lite t-shirt that is behind the camera man and shows him a piece of paper. He sighs and says out loud* ITS MILLER TIME!!!"

*A can of miller lite is tossed to him and he barely catches his. Before it hits the ground, he uses both hands to catch it. He opens the can and chugs the beer can.

D-Ex: "For tasteless times...its ALWAYS good to have a Miller Lite!"

*D-Ex smiles at the camera as it fades.

Studio

*We see D-Ex slowly turning the smile into a frown.

D-Ex:" Oh man...now who will take care of the apartment while I am gone?"

Apartment

We see the apartment room of D-Ex and Igz. On the couch, the usual scene occurs, our favorite slacker is sleeping on it. The difference is today that....the rest of the furniture are somehow on fire. The Fire alarm is on and a couple of firemen storm in the aparment while Igz is still snoozing.

[Cyberstrike nTo]

Originally posted by Random Sweep
The only thing you are is the future boot polisher of Keith Kincaid once I am through with you.

You say I am a waste of space? I beg to differ, I think you need to get your head out of your a** and see the truth... At Archivemania you will be my b***h

IC: You know I've haven't beated a lot of goth freaks and so-called tormented souls in my career.
And you know what?
I'm looking forward to showing you a new level of depravity that your parents could never have dreamed of 'Crow.
Because when you step into the ring and you enter in my world and I'll make you scream for mommy and daddy

[Raven Darkstorm]

IC as RD: "So once again we face the trio of Serial Slackeraz, JD and Baxter, and Murder Inc for the AWF Tag Team Championship.
*yawns*
You know StarStorm hasn't done so well in the AWF and some internet smarks are saying that we can't seem to get on track and produce the quaity matches that made us famous on the idy circut. Well I got three words for them: YOU ARE RIGHT!
We haven't been able to be the dominent team that we should be
but at Archivemania 4 that will change. Because we beat the hell out three teams and become the AWF Tag Team Champions.

The difference between us and these other jerkoffs is that me and
Vanth are a team.
We compete ONLY in tag team matches and we're not intrested in singles titles. We will be become the AWF Tag Team Champions
it's truly is our destiny. The stars are not forever but is the storm that destroys them is: StarStorm! Quote the Raven nevermore!"

[Ignavus]

We have a scene shift, were we see Igz carried out of the apartment by a big, burly firefighter. Igz is comically covered in black soot, and missing his eyebrows. After setting the slacker down, Igz leaps onto him again, giving him a huge hug.

"Ooooh! My hero!"

The firefighter mutters some cliche about "just doing my job," or some such.

"Well, let me at least get you something cool to drink... I just happen to have here a cool refreshing cool Coca-Cola!"

He removes the can from his back pocket and smiles at the camera. A white sparkle shines on his tooth as he proudly displays it.

"It's refreshing!"

He hands it to the fireman, who also does the sparkly smile. He goes "Aaaaah, that hit the spot!"

The two look at the camera for a moment.

"Coca-Cola always helps me after a tough match!" Says Igz.

"Or after a tough... fire... fight?" Continues the fireman.

The Coca Cola symbol flashes over the screen.

[Shockmeister]

Originally posted by Raven Darkstorm
The stars are not forever but is the storm that destroys them is: StarStorm!

JD: "Ah...Eh...Uhm...okay, hold on. Baxx, did thhat phhrasse make any ssensse to you?"

Bax: "Never before have
I seen such blatant misuse
Of English, and...nope."

JD: "Good, thhen it iss not jusst me. Ssstill, I am ssure thhat thhere iss ssimply ssome levvel to thhe wordss thhat we are misssing; all we musst do to consstruct a vvalid retort, iss disscovver thhem!"

>With that, the judge and the big guy pull up some deck-chairs and begin to flick through dictionaries, thesauruses, encyclopedias, and the Guinness Book Of Records. No, the records book doesn't really help either of them understand language; it's just really interesting.<

~Ten Minutes Later~

>Baxter is sprawled on the floor, cross-eyed. He is chewing on an abacus. Judge Death is sat perfectly straight, and is holding a Newton's Cradle in front of his face. As the metal ball bearings swing into each other, a thin line of bile dribbles from JD's mouth.<

~Twenty Minutes Later Than That~

>Baxter has swallowed the abacus with little effort. JD kneads his protected forehead for a moment, before screaming bloody murder to the higher reaches of heavens in defeat.<

JD: "Thhat iss it; I reffusse to devvote more time to thhiss wild goosse chasse!"

Bax: "Patently, it would
Seem that the StarStorm boys are
Big flaming retards."

JD: "Ssso, a sstorm thhat desstroyss a sstar iss a 'sstarsstorm', ffunilly enoughh, and yet...thhe sstarsstorm iss a sstar in itss own right? Ack - !"

Bax: "And to say that such
A storm is eternal is
Crap, frankly speaking;

Because if there were
No stars left to destroy, then
The storm would soon end.

Thusly, the storm is
Only eternal for as
Long as there are stars."

JD: "Thhat iss a ffair point, too...thhough ffrankly, do you exxpect eithher off thhosse imbecciless to lasst quite thhat long around here?"

Bax: "Hahahahaha
Hahahahahahaha
Hahahaha!...no."

JD: "Sssucccintly put. Now, Ssstargate...oh, ssorry, thhat iss wrong...you boyss are Andromeda, right? No? Oh, clumssy me, off coursse! Battlesstar Galactica, lissten up; it iss nicce to hear you havve been taking your ovverall lack off talent withh a big sslicce off Uncle Jobber'ss Old-ffashhioned Humble Pie - avvailable ffrom thhe Cccybersstrike Baking Co., while sstockss lasst and halff-deccent wresstlerss sstill exxisst. But thhen you go and blow all thhat praisse away like a pile off leavvess behind thhe Batmobile'ss exxhausst. You sseem to be under thhe impresssion thhat, becausse you havve nevver made a sseriouss challenge ffor a ssingless title around here, thhat you are ssomehow more uniffied ass a...well, unit. Thhat doess not sseem quite correct to me; indeed, all I can believve thhat to mean iss thhat indivvidually, neithher off you havve thhe neccesssary sskilss to gain a shhot at ssingless gold. But hey, I realisse thhat I may not alwayss sseem like thhe right man to talk to about fflawed mentalitiess, sso I am going to leavve it at thhat and let you ffeel ffree to continue dwelling in your dreamworld. Jusst watch out ffor thhe wake-up call; it will ssting a bit. Anythhing to add?"

Bax: "The storm, for all its
Hot air, is more like a stiff
Breeze; short, and lacks strength."

JD: "Nicce."