Your Decepticon vs. Bon Jovi

Auntie Slag · Post by **Auntie Slag** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:52 pm

Decepticons are evil. They like being cruel and nasty.

You are god.

As god, you have chosen to put Jon Bon Jovi in a pen and are now going to drop in the evil Decepticon of your choice and they will fight to the death. Who would you choose?

As a beginner, I'd start off with Frenzy, who could feedback incredible volumes into Jon's head that would re-frizz his hair before finally making it explode like a melon in a Lee Harvey Oswald type way.

But that's pretty boring, and what most people would think. Was there a Decepticon who was well into torture? Snapdragon used to like welling around in hot tar, that's got to be pretty painful for a singer, they could wrestle in the tar whilst another shoots a flamethrower at them and reflector snaps the whole thing.

I dunno, I'm a bit bored.

What about sending him up in Ramjet who then crashes somewhere, reliving that wonderful Buddy Holly, Big bopper, Richey Valen's moment (whilst Relector captures it all for posterity).

One for the album.

Look, at least I'm off the streets...

slartibartfast · Post by **slartibartfast** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:10 pm

As a spiteful god who might be slightly miffed at the idea of someone prancing about with a mullet going oooh gotta keep the faith, I'd consider using laserbeak, being of appropriate physical scale and possessing the neccessary talents to surgically remove vocal chords and skin-tight leather trousers.

optimusskids · Post by **optimusskids** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:22 pm

Squawktalk - non stop incessant prattle, what more can I say

slartibartfast · Post by **slartibartfast** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:27 am

Yeah I know, but I am trying my best...

Grufflock · Post by **Grufflock** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:04 am

Trypticon. From a large height. Bon Jovi's house.

Halfshell · Post by **Halfshell** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:20 pm

Dirge.

Because it'd be, like, poetic. Or something.

I like Bon Jovi.

Rurudyne · Post by **Rurudyne** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:41 pm

The Constructicons in a battle of the bands.

Afterward they will perform their Cybertronian classic, "Young Bots Iacon House" (a tune that is astonishingly similar to YMCA by the Village People, setting up round 2 in court over intellectual property rights).

Auntie Slag · Post by **Auntie Slag** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:46 pm

I'd like to teach him a bit of a lesson so he reforms his ways.

Starscream had the most annoying voice in the cartoon, so I'd have Starscream levelling a fully powered-up Null ray at Jon's forehead. Wait for Jon to soil himself so it's all warm and moist and nasty, then have Starscream properly scream out every one of Bon Jovi's lyrics on a loop for say... 36 hours.

That way Jon could feel the pain that we've felt the last 25 years. It'd be a bit like Ghost Rider's penance stare. It could actually turn Jon into a good lyricist.

All the while Bruce Springsteen would be standing by Statscream's foot with his hand covering his face mumbling "What have I created".

Then Girls Aloud do something in the background, coz they're good.

For the record I love 'Livin' on a prayer', 'In these arms', 'bad medicine' & 'dead or alive'. I just think he's a bit of a knob for stuffing socks down the front of his jeans. That's true that is.

optimusskids · Post by **optimusskids** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:33 pm

On a related note a Judge in the US is sentencing people to amongst other things having to listen to Barry Mannilow.

http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/punis ... -criminals

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:40 pm

Auntie Slag wrote: Then Girls Aloud do something in the background, coz they're good.

I have a few suggestions for things I'd like to see them do.

Oh, and my Decepticon refuses to fight Bon Jovi as he doesn't want to look a tit.

slartibartfast · Post by **slartibartfast** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:53 am

Y'know I was just thinking something along those lines, although perhaps not in the same sense. Turns out that Jons' parents were both US marines, plus it seems he uses time usually spent shopping for T-shirts in the gym. It's possible that he could wipe the floor with some elbow grease and an average household decepticon! I certainly wouldn't want to be the alien war mech that had "beaten up by Jon Bon Jovi" on his CV.

Sometimes it strikes me how unpredictable life is. I never would have guessed that someday I'd be looking up Bon Jovis' biography. I was surprised to discover that he sung a track from the star wars christmas album:
http://www.theforce.net/latestnews/stor ... _77812.asp

Rurudyne · Post by **Rurudyne** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 12:14 am

slartibartfast wrote:I was surprised to discover that he sung a track from the star wars christmas album:

I suppose it's for the best that Lucas isn't as evil as I'm, or else we might be talking about Pink Floyd's Star Walls right now (yeah, I shouldn't mix listening to The Wall with cruising forums).

Ackula · Post by **Ackula** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:53 am

Rurudyne wrote:yeah, I shouldn't mix trying to make jokes with cruising forums

Fixed.

In other news, I'd have Animated Soundwave face off against Bon Jovi, forcing him to use Soundwave's Laserbeak guitar to play his own song on Guitar Hero until he succumbs to the sheer tedium of it.

starlord · Post by **starlord** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:26 am

Megatron vs.Bon Jovi.

electro girl · Post by **electro girl** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:41 pm

Bon Jovi: What have ou got there Astrotrain?
Astrotrain: Cola cubes, do you want some?
Bon Jovi: sure.
Astsrotrain stands on Bon Jovis skull thus killing him dead.