Keeping younger siblings out of trouble

[Alpha Trion]

Alright gang, I need some advice here. A few months ago my family discovered that my 14 year old sister's new boyfriend, was not 17 as he claimed but rather 24. He was really small so everyone believed him though my idiot sister knew all along. Since that came to an end she's been looking for more attention from older guys.

I later found out her and one of her girl friends had been hanging out with some 21 year old guy when they said they were at the friend's house. I got into her myspace and found plenty of decidely inappropriate messages from him, so I told him to leave her the hell alone, but he pretty much laughed me off, saying all the letters were a joke. She's not allowed to see that girl friend anymore and she's kept on a tighter leash now as far as leaving the house goes, but that bastard keeps talking to her despite me warning him every time I catch a message from him.

Unfortunately starting next week everyone in the house will probably be working until night, leaving her free to go anywhere without anyone knowing. What can I do to make this creep stay away from her? I don't think he's actually done anything illegal yet, and I'm not exactly in a position to use physical intimidation, so I don't really know what to do.

[Hound]

I don't think there is anything you can do.

The more you and your parents try to control your sister the more she's going to defy you.

You remember how it was when you were a teenager. There isn't a whole lot you can do short of having her monitored at all times.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. All I can say is I understand how you feel. There wasn't anything I could do to stop my sister from doing the stupid stuff she did when she was around that age.

You could have her put in a convent until she's 18... *shrugs*

[Denyer]

Originally posted by Alpha Trion
that bastard keeps talking to her despite me warning him every time I catch a message from him.

Unfortunately starting next week everyone in the house will probably be working until night, leaving her free to go anywhere without anyone knowing.

It's something where parents have to put the foot down rather than siblings -- blocking net access and funds to go out if lines and curfews are crossed. And being around to supervise if that's what it comes down to.

There's a massive gap in life experience between 17 and 19, let alone 14 and 21 -- though I suppose "childhood" might last a bit longer where drinking age is typically three years higher and doesn't coincide with university. We'd certainly started drinking by sixteen...

not 17 as he claimed but rather 24

That's restraining order area of behaviour -- as is 21 and a seven year age gap, really, although if you assume she's trying to pass for a few years older it's perhaps more understandable.

It's not within your remit or abilities to go vigilante; all you can do is hand what you know over to parents.

[Clay]

Originally posted by Alpha Trion
I don't think he's actually done anything illegal yet, and I'm not exactly in a position to use physical intimidation, so I don't really know what to do.

Call Dateline on his cradle-robbing ass.

Or, local police. If you can get back into her Myspace account and print the messages he sent her, you can take that to the local station and see where they can go from there.

[Sir Auros]

It's a lost cause, really. Even if your younger siblings respect you, they're still going to give into their peers unless your parents are the ones doing the enforcing. My brothers are kind of messes because my parents just wouldn't discipline them.

[Plasmodium]

Theres nothing you can do short of locking her up in a cage in the basement. She will find a way to get with them again. Sadly, she is 14 and wont realize what possible **** she can get into so what is going to happen is she will get hurt in some way first, then find out that maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

[inflatable dalek]

My sister once run off for a few days with a friend and a couple of guys in their mid-20's when she was 15ish or so. The sods hadn't counted on my Grandads awsome rage when they got back...

Even now in his 70's all those years working in a drop forge means he could give most young un's an arse kicking. Not that I'm suggesting violence is a solution to anything, but watching pensions beating up succesfully threatening guys half their age is a rewarding experience...

[Hawkeye]

Even now in his 70's all those years working in a drop forge means he could give most young un's an arse kicking. Not that I'm suggesting violence is a solution to anything, but watching pensions beating up succesfully threatening guys half their age is a rewarding experience...

simply....awesome. seriously though if i had a younger sister being preyed on by a 24 year old id defintely take him down and put him in an arm bar (sorry watching my jiu-jitsu videos again and its been a week since my last class :P)

[RID Scourge]

Originally posted by Clay
Call Dateline on his cradle-robbing ass.

Dude, any of those guys, who are still in the military are totally ****ed. Can you say "court marshal?"

Man, I wish I knew that you could bust someone just for soliciting over the internet back when this guy, who's my age (18, at the time, maybe 19) was talking to my sister when she was 15.

Luckily, she was smart enough not to mess with him, but I was definitely in the room once when she was talking to him online and he said something along the lines of "There are things we can do that feel good that aren't considered sex." The kid was a student at West Point at the time, so I could've really ****ed him over it, had I known.

[Sociopathic Autobot]

You learn from being stupid. She'll do it once and regret it. If she doesn't she's a lost cause.

[Dead Man Wade]

That's pretty much it.

You can't convince her not to do it, or force her to stay in at all times, as she's at the age that she thinks she's got it all figured out.

All you can do is hope that this will be a one time thing that won't wind up having long term consequences. That, or punch him repeatedly in the mush so hard that, by the time he comes to, she's legal.

[Sociopathic Autobot]

Alternate solution: Break her legs.

[Hound]

Originally posted by Sociopathic Autobot
Alternate solution: Break her legs.

...or his...

[Hawkeye]

I agree with hound.

[CounterPunch]

Originally posted by Sociopathic Autobot
You learn from being stupid. She'll do it once and regret it. If she doesn't she's a lost cause.

If I were Trion I would be more worried about him doing something than her doing something, which I'm sure is Trions worry.

Unfortunately there isnt much you can do, telling her not to see him wont work, because she might not see the consequences you do, and wont accept them.

What about calling the police, or some form of citizens advice and saying that you have a sister who is 14 and she is close to a guy in his early 20's, you cant be sure anythings gone on so you cant report him, but you are worried about his intentions etc.

[Sociopathic Autobot]

Originally posted by CounterPunch
If I were Trion I would be more worried about him doing something than her doing something, which I'm sure is Trions worry.

What? Him raping her? She is walking a VERY fine line anyways. Chances are she isn't ready for sex mentally, physically and probably doesn't even want it yet. So getting into a relationship with a young adult who is near his sexual peak and more than likely sexually active is the first stupid thing she's done. She will learn from that.

I can't really say much because as I said, I am dating a girl three years my junior and I know her parents really wish I was a year or two younger.

Originally posted by Hound
..or his...

But then the cops get involved. Just have a family meeting. Decide it is in her best interest to suffer an accidental fall down the stairs and that'll be that.

[CounterPunch]

Originally posted by Sociopathic Autobot
What? Him raping her? She is walking a VERY fine line anyways. Chances are she isn't ready for sex mentally, physically and probably doesn't even want it yet. So getting into a relationship with a young adult who is near his sexual peak and more than likely sexually active is the first stupid thing she's done. She will learn from that.

I can't really say much because as I said, I am dating a girl three years my junior and I know her parents really wish I was a year or two younger.




But then the cops get involved. Just have a family meeting. Decide it is in her best interest to suffer an accidental fall down the stairs and that'll be that.

Well what I mean is, its ok saying "leave her to it, she'll learn from her own mistakes" and alot of the time that is the best thing, and not necessarily the wrong option here.

However it is difficult knowing what to do in this situation as you could leave her to make mistakes and learn from them and she'll be fine, but if you leave her to make her own mistakes and this guy does something to her thinkin "oh i left her to make her own mistakes" wont put Trions mind at rest.

I dont think you can forcefully do anything to stop them, but there must be other things you can do, like, as I said ask authorities for advice etc.

[Sociopathic Autobot]

Originally posted by CounterPunch
Well what I mean is, its ok saying "leave her to it, she'll learn from her own mistakes" and alot of the time that is the best thing, and not necessarily the wrong option here.

At this point it's the only option. Unless you want the police to get involved or to damage the relationship between her and the family until she turns 21 and gets over it.

Originally posted by CounterPunch
However it is difficult knowing what to do in this situation as you could leave her to make mistakes and learn from them and she'll be fine, but if you leave her to make her own mistakes and this guy does something to her thinkin "oh i left her to make her own mistakes" wont put Trions mind at rest.

Probably not, but if she's smart she won't do it again. If she does it again there is no point in worrying because she obviously enjoys it, even if it is detrimental to her.

Originally posted by CounterPunch
I dont think you can forcefully do anything to stop them, but there must be other things you can do, like, as I said ask authorities for advice etc.

Unless you can prove they've had or are having sex the cops will say there is nothing they can do. And I am not sure where Trion lives, but if he's in Canada then there is NOTHING the cops can do. Legal age is 14, once she gets there, she can **** whom ever she wants... can't pose nude for another four years though.

[Hound]

Y'know, the best thing to do would be to make sure she gets some protection. I know it's not what you want to think about but if she's determined to seek attention from older guys she's going to end up in a situation where she's going to be pressured into having sex.

A 21 year old guy is only looking for one thing from a 14 year old girl.

Your sister needs to make sure she's not risking getting pregnant or something much worse.

Someone needs to have a serous talk with her and make sure she understands what she's risking and what she needs to do to minimalize the risks.

[Clogs]

Girls do mature faster than boys, and society has increased the pressure on them to use this gain to get into adult behaviour earlier than is legal. She won't see it as wrong - she's got plenty of evidence from mags and her peer group to prove that it can't be wrong. You can't keep her out of trouble, but your parents can do their darndest and, if abuse is suspected i.e. grooming, then get the police, although I doubt she'd testify against this man.

Sorry - best I can advise.