Space Pirates: Abysmal, isn't it?

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Sun Nov 13, 2011 9:39 pm

Firstly, it features the Quintessons - a race of random robots in this continuity who are super-duper powerful and have just been shown as a random joke in the TF:TM special before this, where a few Dinobots overthrow their whole planet.

Secondly, it features Wreck-Gar - a pretty lousy character once the joke's exhausted 45 seconds after he first sticks his head up in TF:TM. But even more awful in comic/text stories.

Thirdly, it has Arcee in it. Not the Prime one, the 1980s one. She's on especially hilariously offensive form here, wandering off from her post for no better reason than she's a stupid ditzy pink girl.

Fourthly, it's a good thing she is, because apparently Ghyrik's plan hinges entirely around her having the brain the size of a grape. That's right, the entire future of the Quintesson race is staked on Arcee being unable to concentrate on anything for more than four seconds (because she's a stupid ****ing girl, remember). Apparently if the silly cow had stayed on station that's it, plan down the toilet.

Fifthly, the Quints butcher Blaster, Skydive, Air Raid, Trailbreaker, Perceptor, whichever one of the Throttlebots the guy called Chase who's Freeway's model coloured like Rollbar, the poor gits behind that coward Beachcomber, Hopper (what was all that about seeing as they then kill off a bunch of toy characters anyway?) and so on with no problem whatsoever. But Blaster's tapes? No chance.

Sixthly, the entire Decepticon army on Cybertron - led by the good Decepticon leader, Soundwave, the one who tended to win from time to time - is utterly battered by the Quintessons. Fair enough. How will the tide turn? Oh my Christ, it's Ultra Magnus, some of the Technobots and whichever one of Blaster's anodyne tapes isn't on Earth creaming millions of Quintessons. The tide is turned! Sure, there's that great scene with Soundwave and Magnus, but couldn't it have been in a story instead?

Seventhly, Dan cocking Reed.

Eighthly, Furman has no idea of how to resolve the Earth thread, having decided to focus on the Cassettewreckers rather than the big Autobot task force Rodimus brought with him (though of you look at a monitor you'll note Grimlock being taken down by a couple of the troopers Ramhorn makes light work of - yay for consistent levels of villain power!). So he pulls a Mad Brick - surprise surpise, there's a big ****ing Autobot under the city no-one mentioned by name before! How handy.

Utter rubbish.

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 12:45 am

That was not only the start of my newsagent subscription to the comic (though I've a feeling I must have seen issues beforehand to be excited by the idea of having it every week) Space Pirates began my weekly reward for being good at school. it was what inspired me to learn to read by myself (because clearly having my mother read the comic to me every week wasn't going to work when starting with that story "Oh look, the pink girl has caused all the problems. this is not only a terrible toy advert, it's insanely sexist as well. I just hope you actually do start paying any attention to your teachers in exchange for this rubbish because it's hardly Dangermouse", the one and only good cartoon aimed at my children since 1981"). Everything I have ever read, or written, or thought, throughout my life, starts with this comic.

Saying Space Pirates is abysmal is like saying I'm abysmal. And I won't have it. Don't make me bring out my mother to respond with "Yes, the girl one was terrible, but so was every single issue of that comic. I'm embarrassed what I used to shut up a six year old child once a week twenty years ago* has any sort of following amongst adults whatsoever".

*Age and how long ago it was will vary due to vanity.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:02 am

inflatable dalek wrote:Everything I have ever read, or written, or thought, throughout my life, starts with this comic.

It's a good place to start - things could only get better.

Why do Kup, Blurr, Wideload and Smokescreen (and I do, to be fair, dig that random squad composition - two of my all-time favourite Autobots.... and Kup and Blurr) just run off when Rodimus shrieks mid-sentence, jumps down into Autobot City's pointless moat (seriously, Rodimus walks down it and presumably back out afterwards with an injured Arcee) and gets mugged?

Why does Autobot City's battle mode/deus ex machina have a giant lever Blaster can barely move as a switch? At least in TF:TM most of the levers and the like could actually be moved by Autobots. Because otherwise the plot - such as it is - would only last two issues and there'd be no "spectacular epic" to counter the Yanks bringing back Optimus, that's why.

I love the way no two frames can quite agree who and how many Autobots are strung up too.

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:14 am

Cliffjumper wrote:It's a good place to start - things could only get better.

Just because old Grandad's like you started with Dinobot Hunt. Your aged mind set couldn't handle the idea of the throwing of the voice as a special power. Making Hot Rod like Keith Harris was the bravest thing Furman ever did.

If people could just hold off on "This thing from around 30 years ago is shit" posts till after the 17th that will help me through a difficult time...

Post by **Blackjack** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:15 pm

Space Pirates was the first UK material I've read, and I actually liked it. Still do, despite all its silliness and plot faults.

Pretty art! Something that was a far cry from the Titan reprints of the US strip. Better dialogue, too. And it introduced me to the movieverse cast as well. Seeing all the dead Autobots strung up kind of surprised me, never thought old comics from 20+ years ago could have that kind of death scene (did they actually die, though? I thought Blaster at least popped up in Time Wars?). Ah, innocence. That was before I got my hands on G2, naturally.

I always thought those Quintessons were brilliant. How do they ambush Decepticons? Hide on the ground with a tarp over your head.

How can Ghyrik do anything with those spindly arms?

Arcee's a ditz, that bit I can't deny. And for all my life I can't understand what the hell Wreck-Gar is saying in the comic.

Post by **Denyer** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:31 pm

Badly written, but the stringing up remains one of the most effective pieces of TF artwork to date due to the average age of readers at the time.

Rack 'n Ruin · Post by **Rack 'n Ruin** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:39 pm

Denyer wrote:Badly written, but the stringing up remains one of the most effective pieces of TF artwork to date due to the average age of readers at the time.

Certainly had quite an effect on me. I remember thinking that things were about to get a whole load more hardcore. They didn't. Meh.

Terome · Post by **Terome** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 9:07 pm

I love Space Pirates on the basis that I only had the Collected Comics version that was printed out of order for some wacky reason which ended with that ghastly crucifixion scene as a cliffhanger. It was so scary that I couldn't even bring myself to reread it and buried it at the bottom of my lowest comics pile, but Dan Reed's wobbly, crazy stuff stuck with me for years and years.

At least, until TFArchive came along and I read the scans that finished the story and it was all voice-throwing and Lee Sullivan.

I know it's kind of blasphemous to say this, but before I gave a crap about composition and storytelling and model-sheets and whatnot, I much preferred Dan Reed's stories over Geoff Senior's. He clearly wanted to be drawing a totally different comic. I still find some of those panels kind of unnerving, to be honest.

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:38 am

I don't mind Dan Reed, his early issues are a bit ropey but once he hits his stride it's actually fairly enjoyable nightmare fuel (scariest Megatron ever).

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:48 am

He suits some stuff (Zombies, and to be fair Quintessa) nicely. Other stuff, not so much. Metal doesn't work like that. His style really didn't gel with Steve White either.

StarscreamX · Post by **StarscreamX** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:52 pm

Space Pirats is horribly flawed but at least we got a decent bit of comedy at the stat with the mockery of 'The Big Broadcast of 2006' with the whole thing being a story that loony ol' Wreck Gar made up and is full of ridiculous plot holes and errors

verytired · Post by **verytired** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:18 pm

inflatable dalek wrote:I don't mind Dan Reed, his early issues are a bit ropey but once he hits his stride it's actually fairly enjoyable nightmare fuel (scariest Megatron ever).

Are you talking about his chapter in Time Wars? I think that's when I came round to Dan Reed as an ok artist.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:22 am

StarscreamX wrote:Space Pirats is horribly flawed but at least we got a decent bit of comedy at the stat with the mockery of 'The Big Broadcast of 2006' with the whole thing being a story that loony ol' Wreck Gar made up and is full of ridiculous plot holes and errors

TBH, I think they laid it on a bit thick - it's Furman being smug and ****y, and still taking the money. All very snark-friendly, but harsh on the nippers buying the thing. It's about the point Marvel UK were really getting a bit too big for their boots.

Time Wars isn't much better.

- If all it takes is five Autobots firing a couple of times to blow up the energy leeches, Rodimus really is being an arse by not bothering. Nice of Metroplex to just disappear rather than either going after the leeches or watching out for a bunch of Decepticons following the Autobots back to 1989, too - could've really cramped the plot, that.
- The Decepticon Targetmasters and Horrorcons make a sudden aerial strike on Highbrow. Thankfully, to keep things moving, the Headmasters are able to keep the pace by foot while dragging Scorponok's body.
- Ironhide specifically reappears for the first time in about a hundred issues, and reacts basically the same way he did in Target 2006 despite the similar Optimus Prime disappearances. Okay, so it's G1 Ironhide and he's a moron, but still.
- For that matter, how come nobody recognises Kup and Blurr, who are part of the Ark's crew? Lucky how Kup isn't one of Prime's top officers like he is every other time, though, wasn't it? Scattershot doesn't seem to have a clue who Blurr is despite being his ship-mate on Steelhaven. The future Autobots all recognise the present ones, which would be fine apart from the fact all of them - bar arguably Rodimus - exist in the present.
- Luckily, Goldbug randomly remembers stuff no-one else can. For dramatic purposes he's then critically injured. Then, once he's vouched for Magnus through his crippling pain, he's just got a shoulder injury. Fantastic!
- The Wreckers and Mayhems amble into Galvatron's base arguing loudly about nothing. They might have been alright, but Galvatron knows this is a FURMAN EPIC **** YOU UNDERBASE WE'LL INTERRUPT YOU SO MY STORY IS IN #200 and actually uses his cannon instead of just punching people.
- The surviving Wreckers and Mayhems carry the story until Optimus Prime gets back out of limbo, then considerately **** right off. See if you can work out where the various Autobots from Fort Max's squad go as well. Does Red Alert beat them all up?
- It'd actually be a lot less irritating and repetitive if Carnivac just had a sign on his back saying "I have orders to kill any Autobots left standing".
- Soundwave and the Terrorcons are obviously only included so there's future Autobots and Decepticons to match the present and Cybertronian match-ups. All they do is take up panel time - which wouldn't hurt if it wasn't for the fact Furman blatantly panics in the last issue and just scribbles "TIME KILLS GALVATRON" on a blank page in felt tip.
- More of a context thing, but Marvel UK actually gave the Optimus v Galvatron fight a fair bit of hype. Heh.

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:58 pm

It's all a bit odd isn't it? Surely they could have grabbed some upcoming Autobot toys who hadn't been in the comic yet to go back in time with Rodimus? And Fort Max being a crazy prick for no reason is totally out of character as well.

Still, Highbrow "giving" Scorponok's head back is awesome (though there's the message there seems to be he should have killed Zarek, murdering defenceless prisoners of war as what the hero learns this week? Now you know) and it was exactly right to make the big climax Galvatron Vs. Optimus as long last, even at the expense of present day Ultra Magnus (who was probably off crying in a corner somewhere).

horizon · Post by **horizon** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 4:40 am

I never read such harsh critics on time wars before. Funny.

Has there been any good Transformer comic since the '80's considering you?

heh.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:52 pm

I'm a major Last Stand of the Wreckers fanboy (I'd say it's probably the best Transformers comic ever made if push came to shove), and I liked Micromasters more than most other people did. Plus, of course, G2 and the tail end of the Marvel stuff that came after the 1980s. And I adore the big, stupid first half of AHM before McCarthy lost his balls and ham-fistedly tried to placate a few hundred whinging Furman lovers who hadn't seen the light.

It's not so much the decade, more the quality. With very rare exceptions, DW and IDW have simply made very bad TF comics - both in overall terms and in Transformers comics. Even what was palatable at the time often hasn't aged badly - e.g. Furman's DW work which seemed very good at the time when we'd been living off scraps from Pat Lee (seriously, how much imput do we think Sarracini had on the storyline? He wrote dialogue for the comic, not a script) really shows badly now.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:13 pm

Re-reading Survivors for the first time in a long time (Reed shouldn't be allowed near black-and-white, seriously - nice one on getting Skids' character model, though, Danny-boy), why the Hell is Carnivac banging on about the "bonds forged while fighting Galvatron"? He spent the entire battle thinking about how much he was going to kill Springer once Galvatron was out of the way.

"Recipe for Disaster", however, is genius. "KLONK".

Terome · Post by **Terome** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:15 pm

He spent the entire battle thinking about how much he was going to kill Springer once Galvatron was out of the way.

I think that is Carnivac's idea of romance. I know more than a few couples who would see it similarly.

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:39 pm

Fully agreed on Dan Reed's B&W work, possibly if he'd have known it wasn't going to be coloured he'd have adjusted his style somewhat (mind, Wildman never did resulting in a lot of pages with featureless white backgrounds...), but the end result is still horrid.

Though it's hardly his fault if Marvel UK sent over the wrong character sheet for Skids to his abode in front of a no doubt wibbly woobly Eiffel Tower. He uses it briefly in Time Wars as well doesn't he? Not that you can tell easily with the brain shrimp on his head.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Sun Nov 27, 2011 5:41 pm

Nah, he's definitely got a face in Time Wars. I'm always curious as to whether Skids' reappearance there was an intentional reminder ahead of "Survivors" or whether it was thrown in and then the idea for the story came along... It's not a bad little storyline, with the paranoid Wreckers survivors - bit weird that the art makes a point of retaining Inferno's damaged leg, but it doesn't actually seem to change him at all.

I do love the random cliffhangers in "Fall & Rise", "Race" and "Survivors". I think the best one is where Backstreet's just stopped in mid-sentence. God, I hate the Triggerbots. Except Override, he was cool.