Should I be myself?

-Predaking- · Post by **-Predaking-** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:21 am

I have this friend I've known for 8 years who's very good at chasing girls. He knows the game very well and every girl who he's dated falls for him big time. He'd go after the more desirable or popular ones just to give himself challenge. Unfortunately I am the opposite of him when it comes to girls. I don't have any "game" in me and oftentimes girls can smell the lack of confidence in me when I talk to them and dismiss me before I can ask them out. I admit I am pretty nervous and even though I want to be myself as much as possible it's just not as effective than knowing what girls want and say the things they want to hear when going after them. I really want to be like my friend but it's just not me. My friend says all his friends who met me agree that I'd probably have to settle for a below average girl who don't play any games, to which I strongly disagree. I don't think I should compromise the type of girl I like because I don't know how to woo them. So I put forth this poll and see what you all think I should do. I really want to immerse myself in the dating scene but discourage by the fact that most people I know think I am just not cut out to go after the girls other people want.

Cassettacon 27 · Post by **Cassettacon 27** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:33 am

Apperantly girl like honesty.
I did not see that one coming.

Chromia · Post by **Chromia** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:14 am

Be yourself....

If they can't handle that....The hell with them. :-)

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:37 am

Be a completely different person. Put up a facade, act cool like the celebrities do, lie massively about your acheivements, etc.

BigMaki · Post by **BigMaki** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:37 am

If you want something long-term? Yes, gotta be honest. Want something short-term? Well, lying works, I've gotta admit. The trick is finding a balance of the two that works, I guess. I have yet to find that proper balance, though. :\

As far as picking up good-looking women? Not sure if this is what you usually do, but don't go trying to pick up the best-looking one in the place. You want to go for her better-than-average friend that's along. She'll appreciate the attention that usually goes for her super-attractive friend. Of course, this is a lot less effective if someone is already chatting up the super-attractive one so your mileage may vary. Always remember to compliment specific things about her. Never be vague because then it sounds like you're just making **** up. And learn to read body language. I can't stress this enough. That will tell you if she's being coy or if it's time to move on.

And see, you can be honest while doing these things. Unless your job is as a toilet scrubber or something. Then I suggest lying your ass off as much as possible.

Chromia · Post by **Chromia** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:59 am

Originally posted by BigMaki
And see, you can be honest while doing these things. Unless your job is as a toilet scrubber or something. Then I suggest lying your ass off as much as possible.

Well, yeah...

Theres that too.

Shield Strike · Post by **Shield Strike** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:49 am

Well, as hard as I try the girl(s) I like never seem to like me back, unrequited love I think you'd call it, but the really annoying thing is that girls I dont really like, or girls I consider good friends and nothing more, have made it evident to me that they were/are interested in more than friendship. Im not gonna go out with someone I dont like just so I can say I have a girlfriend, so right now im just going with the flow. I think you should do the same Predaking and stop worrying so much about it, let fate take its course, you'll find her when you least expect and the other cliches regarding love, just sit back and enjoy the ride, you never know, it might be her who comes over to you first.

Knightdramon · Post by **Knightdramon** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:00 pm

I believe that you should never 'settle'. Why should you let social status or appearance determine who you'll share your feelings with?

I only know that much about your friend, but you really shouldn't have him as a model in relationship things. From what I gather, he sees women as items and challenges.

Ultimately, who you date is up to you. I've seen guys 1 metre and 50 centimetres [really short] date very hot girls as well as unatractive girls who date good-looking young men. It's all relevant.

Big maki's advice are also nice, especially the 'second most attractive girl'

jepc71 · Post by **jepc71** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:19 pm

Just do what I do. I live in the middle of nowhere so there is little competion. There are some hot gals and when new people come into the picture, no matter how they look or act they go for them. If it wasn't for this, I wouldn't be engaged right now.

The Upper Peninsula helping ugly men get pretty ladies since, um, Michigan was founded.

Or there always is the mail-order brides websites.

CounterPunch · Post by **CounterPunch** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:52 pm

Be yourself but exaggerate things, dont lie, dont act confident or cocky but dont let it look like youre desperate.

I pulled last week, i aint an amazing looking guy, but im not bad either, went to a bar with a mate, saw this girl sittin at the bar for about 20 minutes alone, was very hot, eventually went over and asked for a shot of Sambucca, and as a way to spark a convo asked her if she had a light so i could light it, asked her if she was alrite cos i saw shed been alone for a while and invited her over to sit with me and my mate.

When you get a girl to talk to you dont talk about yourself too much, but dont constantly ask about them, find out their interests and play on them, if you find out they like a certain actor talk about a film, ALWAYS ask if she wants a drink, id say 2 drinks, no more. 1 and they think youre just bein curteous, 2 they think youre nice for it, any more they might either think youre a push over who will always buy the drinks or that you're trying to get them drunk.

Got me a girl and im pretty self conscious and shy so *shrug* just give it a go.

-Predaking- · Post by **-Predaking-** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:07 am

Originally posted by Shield Strike
Well, as hard as I try the girl(s) I like never seem to like me back, unrequited love I think you'd call it, but the really annoying thing is that girls I dont really like, or girls I consider good friends and nothing more, have made it evident to me that they were/are interested in more than friendship. Im not gonna go out with someone I dont like just so I can say I have a girlfriend, so right now im just going with the flow. I think you should do the same Predaking and stop worrying so much about it, let fate take its course, you'll find her when you least expect and the other cliches regarding love, just sit back and enjoy the ride, you never know, it might be her who comes over to you first.

You know I am just like that... I mean in college I had at least 3 girls asking me out or shown interest in me but ones who I have no interest in. Girls I like I usually stumble for words and made myself sound like a tool. It's for this reason I was never in love with the girls I been with and right now I am just miserable since that friend who's great with friends always tell me of his exploits and made me wish I was more like him. Yes he does see girls as nothing more than challenges while I see them as goddness (ones I like) that I put on a pedestal. Neither of us is right in our view I know.

Plasmodium · Post by **Plasmodium** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 4:09 am

If they dont come to you first, go for whomever sparks that sudden interest in you. Thats my advice anyway, and generally what I do.

She glances at you a certain way? Thats enough to fuel it in some cases for me.

Gets on the same bus as you? Awesome

Walks the same way as you for 20 min home? Youd be a fool to pass it up. (btw this is my current situation)

If you see a girl and you get a sudden interest in her like 'hey she seems pretty nice,' go for it. **** everything else.

RID Scourge · Post by **RID Scourge** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:42 am

Don't look for girlfriends. Just look for friends. It makes life easier and happier. I've seen plenty of girls, whom I'm sure would make me the happiest guy on earth if I were to marry one of them, but I see them as just friends, and am content with that.

Are there times when I wish I could see someone, and I believe that certain things would be easier to cope with if I had someone to stand by me? Of course, but those moods are becoming fewer and further between these days.

Originally posted by -Predaking-
My friend says all his friends who met me agree that I'd probably have to settle for a below average girl who don't play any games,

1. Any girl you're attracted to is not going to be below average to you. Maybe she won't look like Miss America, but you'll think she's the most beautiful girl in the world if it's really love.

2. You don't want a girl, who plays games. Trust me. If I ever find that a girl is playing games, I'd kick her to the curb faster than garbage on the day it's supposed to be picked up.

Originally posted by CounterPunch
dont act confident or cocky

Well, not seriously, anyway. If you make it humorous, it can be quite effective. Following it up with "and I'm more humble than you are" is a good idea if it's clear they don't get the fact that you're joking. If she still doesn't get it, chances are that talking to her will be like watching paint dry.

Shield Strike · Post by **Shield Strike** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:51 am

You know I am just like that... I mean in college I had at least 3 girls asking me out or shown interest in me but ones who I have no interest in. Girls I like I usually stumble for words and made myself sound like a tool. It's for this reason I was never in love with the girls I been with and right now I am just miserable since that friend who's great with friends always tell me of his exploits and made me wish I was more like him. Yes he does see girls as nothing more than challenges while I see them as goddness (ones I like) that I put on a pedestal. Neither of us is right in our view I know.

Its not right to view girls as a challenge thats for sure. Is your friend truly happy, because to me it sounds like he doesnt know what he wants and is just using his looks/ charm to look good. If he's dated alot of girls then that just suggests to me that he doesnt know how to keep a girl happy in a relationship for very long. They fall for his looks and charm thinking they've got a great catch only to find out that they really haven't. This is all conjecture on my part of course, i'm probably totally wrong.
I guess the point im trying to make is that it may appear that your friend has everything sorted on the surface, but in reality he hasn't.

All of my relationships have been long term, and i've only had three girlfriends ( I'm 18 btw). So your probably like me in the way that when you find someone, you'll be with them for a long time.

Lord Zarak · Post by **Lord Zarak** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 12:03 pm

Just be yourself man.

That way there is no risk of her liking 'another' you, then going off you if, or when, you decide to show her the real you.

Cyberstrike nTo · Post by **Cyberstrike nTo** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:47 pm

If you want a long term relationship be yourself, but if you want a one night stand then lie your ass off and be something else.

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 4:24 pm

Originally posted by Cyberstrike nTo
lie your ass off and be something else.

Like a rampant rabbit?

Post by **Denyer** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:12 pm

A lot 'd depend on what you think attractive is.

Yep, desperation is generally held to be an unattractive quality. Like yourself first (and by that I don't mean turn into an preening arse) and other things follow.

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